The Truth Behind my Escape: Why I've been MIA

3:19 PM

3 months since my last blog post. As a new blogger and influencer, being MIA for that long is not effective, nor is it a good idea for someone with aspirations of "taking off" in the social media world. With much time of thinking and reflecting, I have decided to return, but to continue I find it necessary to share why I was gone for so long, in the first place. It has taken courage to be able to share some of what I have been dealing with, but as a social media figure-- I feel I should not only share the positive and the pretty, but also the negative and the ugly because I am sure there are others who can relate, or might be able to find inspiration after reading.

As you may know, I graduated this past December in 2016 with my Bachelor's degree. Involved in many organizations, on various executive boards, a member of the Honor's college, several internships-- I felt like I had it all together. Then, came the actual time for me to walk across the stage and receive my diploma. I made a promise to myself that I would begin worrying about jobs and my "after college life," as soon as I graduated because I wanted to enjoy my last semester of college, especially since I did not get four full years of the college life. 
Everything seemed perfect when I was in school, but the minute that I graduated... real life hit me. As a super involved student, I felt weird waking up and not having to rush to a meeting, internship, event, and/or class. But, you want to know what felt weirder? Not having anything to share on my social media, not having anything to announce, not having a new job to post about. Everyone around me seemed to have it all together; I had friends who did not even graduate and had full-time jobs set up. So instantly I felt worthless and defeated. And here's where I went wrong...  in an effort to please everyone else, I lost track of my personal desires and tried to do what I thought would "look good," "sound good," and basically receive approval. Long story short, I accepted a job offer with a company because they got back to me in a very fast matter of time. Would my position relate to my passions, goals, desires? That didn't matter, it was a job to say that I got, it was something to post about, and I now fit in with society and seemed to match the timeline of everyone else around me. So I was happy........ I thought.

About two weeks into the job, I realized what I had gotten myself into. I slowly realized that the job had nothing to do with anything I am interested in. I was miserable, not because of the long work hours but because I took a job for all of the wrong reasons. By about the third week, I felt as if I was depressed. I developed stomach pains every night and morning, and would get extremely sad at times. That is when I stopped posting and writing, and doing almost everything that I had been previously been so passionate about. The job took me away from everything, and that is when I decided it was time to talk with my boss. 
Enough about that job, because needless to say I am no longer there. However, after I stopped the job, I felt a bit better, but I still did not feel fit to continue blog posting. I thought that I did not deserve to be on my website posting until I got my life together. I didn't have that "full-time dream job" that you are supposed to get right out of school, so why should I allow myself time for writing and blogging? I don't quite know what I want to do with my life, so why should I give myself any free-time to do something I love?

After a few months of much thinking and reflecting, I finally realized that I am only hurting myself by escaping from my passions. If I want to eventually turn my hobby into a career than why should I stop my hobby? My way of thinking was so messed up, all because I didn't feel like I was in line with everyone else, and I felt like I was not doing what society expects me to do. More importantly, I have come to the realization that in life, everyone works at a different pace. We are all unique, and therefore do things differently and at different times. I was so caught up in trying to fit the timeline of everyone around me, and trying to fit in with society and say "I did it." However, in the long run I was not doing anything, but making myself miserable and depressed. Even with a love for social media, these last few months have taught me that a like on a post is nothing compared to your personal happiness. So what am I doing now? I am not 100% sure, and I am no longer afraid to admit that. I say that with significant confidence because I know that eventually I will figure it out, and slowly but surely that is what I am doing. And this time around, I will not let anything take me away from my passions. 
I share this in hopes of inspiring college students, recent college grads, those who may feel lost, or even adults who still don't know what they want to be when they grow up -- whatever you do, do it for yourself and do what feels right to you. Do not try to follow the timeline of your peers or those around you. Take your time and ask yourself, does it make me happy? 
All pictures above were taken by photographer, Darian Green. 

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